Options for Every Problem
We all encounter problems. Daily. Repeatedly. Regularly.
They emerge at every level – environmental, relational, political, psychological.
No person is immune to difficulty. That’s a fact.
More often than not, the obstacles we face are outside of our control. What remains within our control is how we respond.
Problems are endless. The options for responding are not.
Four Options for Every Problem
Solve the problem.
Regulate your emotional response.
Accept the problem.
Stay miserable.
Solve it. Change or leave the situation. If the distress comes from interpersonal conflict at work, limit interactions with them. If that’s not possible, switch teams or leave. Or address the person directly – effectively – so the conditions improve.
Regulate your emotional response. Modulate your emotional reaction or find meaning in hardship. The problem remains – the distress decreases. Remember that conflict is inherent to relationships. Build stronger connections with other colleagues so the conflict carries less weight.
Accept it. Acknowledge that the situation and the emotions it generates can’t be changed. Accepting the facts relieves the burden, reduces suffering, and offers a sense of freedom. You might not be able to solve the problem. You might not succeed in feeling better about it. Radical acceptance still decreases suffering.
Stay miserable. Do nothing. Keep complaining. Or make things worse – catastrophize, hyperfocus, ruminate. Escalate suffering.
Some problems are easy to solve. Past similar experiences help, or the answer is obvious.
Some are more complex. No handbook. Competing costs and benefits. Ambiguous outcomes. Effectively navigating them requires effort, willingness, and cognitive flexibility.
“Yes, but” is a common response under pressure – especially when emotional regulation feels risky or invalidating. The problem: “yes, but” rarely decreases distress. It prolongs it.
I’m well-versed in these patterns – especially in interpersonal conflict at work. This has led to my ongoing memoir on great leadership failures. They emerge from cognitive rigidity that narrows perspective, assumptions about how others “should” behave, and fear of directly addressing the issue.
Even knowing all of this, I’m still a work in progress. All leaders are.
Accepting challenges as inherently human – and accepting ourselves inside them – makes change possible.